Contentment tends to ebb and flow for me. I am striving to arrive at the place where I am content consistently but frankly I have a long way to go.
There are weeks when I feel I have made a great decision in forgoing my former career to care for my children and pursue my lifelong dream of being a writer. I bask in the smiles of my children and appreciate a husband who supports my decision and willingly carries the financial burden so that I can focus on these things.
Then there are weeks, such as this one where I second guess my decision and feel like I am doing myself a disservice by not working in my field and contributing to the family bottom line. I wallow in self-pity on not keeping up with my parenting standard and being inconsistent with producing written content as I struggle to appease a toddler who wants to play all of the time and an infant who prefers to be held (at all waking hours)-so much for the writer’s dream! To add insult to injury, it is in the those particular weeks that I tend to find out about the career successes of other women in my circle…”So and so was featured in the local paper for her work.” or “So and so got promoted and got a really nice salary increase. She’s in a new tax bracket now!” or “so and so got that awewome job overseas with relocation fees covered” “Did you hear?! So and so got into that Ph.D program at that Ivy League school.” “So and so is pregnant and has virtually no symptoms and is glowing-did you see her instagram pictures? -definitely not like you’re drooly pregnancies, hahaha.” (I am not the one laughing…) “Wow, so and so is amazing. She has four children is running a successful home business is now a published author and placed first in a 5K recently.” I am sure you catch the drift of how insignificant and unfruitful I felt compared to these great women who are taking over the world while I am struggling to decide what to make for breakfast. Although I celebrate their achievements, I struggle with feeling like an underachiever and my attitude often goes downhill from there. In those moments I have to take a step back and reflect. I usually come to the same conclusion inspired by Ecclesiastes 9…”time and chance happen to them all.” I am not saying that these women did not work hard to get to where they are Absolutely they did! It was their time and they took advantage of the chance (opportunity) and maximized it. They did what was best for them utilizing the skills and knowledge and gifts that they have. I am not wired like any of these women. I do not have the same skill set, interests, or training in their fields so I could not expect to achieve what they have. I have attained and achieved what I have and my abilities are what they are. I have decided that it was best for me to focus on what I am doing now at this time. I am taking this chance to raise my children and pursue my writing in this season. Have there been delays and detours? Of course, but that is life and as with all things in life there is a process! The race is not given to the swift, I certainly am not swift but I believe that my time and chance will come when it is meant to. In the meantime, I am going to tend to my field and not get caught up in the comparison trap