In Need of a Fresh Start

Have you ever tried to repurpose an old item but it didn’t really work out as you hoped? Or have you tried to hold on to something only to find that it slips through your fingers like sand?

I have more or less done this in my personal life. The once close associations I had have become distant at best and practically non-existent at worst.

The reasons are quite simple:

1.        I contributed to the dissolution of the relationship in some way.

2.        The other party was the culprit of some foul action against me.

3.       We grew, we changed and as we changed we found that we no longer meshed as we once did and a fall out resulted.

4.       An opportunity of separation brought along the realization that we really weren’t friends anyway; but were associated to accomplish some goal either professionally or socially for a season.

5.       Or a combination of the examples listed above.

Of course there are a host of emotions that come from fizzled relationships of any kind including the superficial ones because at some point, there was an investment of time and energy which indicated that the relationship was of some sort of importance (to at least one party anyway); even if it were for a brief period of time. Eventually there comes a time when one must count their losses (sometimes they’re really wins-we may just not recognize them immediately) and move forward.

The act of moving forward is as different as one individual is from another; There is no one size fits all. Personally, moving forward means cutting off all ties with the other person. Phone numbers get deleted as well as e-mail addresses and social media ties. I don’t think twice about it, it’s an automatic. What becomes more of a challenge is when the individual whom you are no longer associated with is connected with the same circle(s) as you are. You are forced to be connected to this person by association. The question then becomes, do I cut off ties with the circle and forge a new path? Again, someone else may not even get to this question I posed because they would be perfectly fine with such a scenario. I am not one of those individuals. I am that person who cannot handle that very well. I want to eliminate any opportunity of that person getting on my newsfeed via a mutual friend, or getting invited to the same social function. In the case of some individuals I have “cut out” it is so deep to the point that I secretly hope that God would put us in separate wings of Heaven so that we don’t have to cross paths there either!

I obviously speak as a person who was deeply wounded and is still recovering from some major blows of betrayal; but I am on my path to healing and I have to do what is best for me at the place where I am now.

I went on a social media fast, where I either temporarily deactivated accounts or refused to log in after editing my contacts. I did this for about six months. In that time frame, I found that just about all of those that I am connected to virtually were just that, virtual connections. We did not talk on the phone, text or e-mail each other (even on holidays). There were no visits of any sort. The depth of our relationship was as far as “liking” a picture or post-but that’s about it.  I was as meaningless to their every day as they were to mine. When I returned, I found that for the ones that I kept, the ones that I for some reason still felt connected to or inspired by were no longer so inspirational. I found that in that time frame, I changed, as did my priorities and they weren’t a match to theirs. I also found that for many that remained, we were now at different places. When I looked through profiles, all that was keeping me connected was curiosity about what they have been up to and how I sized up compared to their accomplishments. That is an empty reason to maintain any relationship. It is not fulfilling, it is vain and useless. So then I asked, why remain in contact in any capacity with cyber friends?

 I changed and I desire more to be in a community that shares similar worldviews outside of trivial social media. So I have decided to start fresh. I plan on deleting my social media accounts outside of blogging and instead focus on living fully and presently where I am, building in the community that I live in and pursuing things that are fulfilling and enriching to me without falling into the temptation of sizing myself up to others based on what they post in their profiles. I am in need of inspiration and what better way to do that than by starting fresh.

-B.G.

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4 thoughts on “In Need of a Fresh Start

  1. Great post. Your analysis of how our priorities changing can impact our the relationships we have was spot on. I have also thought about taking a break from social media. I think it really helps you focus more on self development.

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  2. Very reflective and honest!!!! So raw and centered on your growth as a person! I had to cut of some friendships a while back, and it was extremely difficult to do. I was hurt, and angry and couldn’t believe that I had to, for the first time in my life, really let someone completely go! But, like you shared, sometimes you have to start afresh and that can come in several different ways. It’s better to be around a community that builds and strengthens you, than a so called community that doesn’t really understand your truth! Great share:)

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